Am I the only one who has a really hard time loving my body? As I scroll down social media pictures I cannot help but compare my body to others. You see, it's no secret I've gained A LOT of weight in the past few years and right now I'm the heaviest I have ever been. I've tried many diets, I've worked out to the point of injuring myself, I've hated myself, I've considered plastic surgery, I've cancelled many plans so people didn't have to see me, I've prayed, I've asked my doctor to run multiple tests to see why my body was failing me, I've avoided vacations, I've played in my head all the horrible things people were thinking of me and the list goes on.
In trying to find a solution to my never ending diet craziness and body hatred, I decided to work on what was REALLY causing my body to act up and one of the reasons was the pressure I put on myself to look and be perfect at all times. Chasing perfection is exhausting and I'm just so done! I cannot bear the heavy weight it takes for me to look a certain way.
I've been working really, really hard on accepting my body for what it is and what it does NOW and not when I lose weight. I've been working on the real issues that have been robbing my joy, I've been choosing to see everyone's beauty no matter what they look like. I've been extra kind to people and to myself as much as I can. I've been moving my body out of appreciation and not hate...
In all honesty, it's very hard for me to love my body with all the imperfections and extra weight, but what's even harder is to pretend that I'm okay living in a society that profits from my self-doubt. That I'm okay with people bashing their own body and others. That I'm okay with people thinking they are not worthy of love because they weigh more than others. That I'm okay with pretending I don't struggle like we all do. This journey is new to me and when I came across @soworthloving and what they stand for, it was like a breath of fresh air. I bought two of their pieces because I want to remind myself as much as possible of my worthiness.
I'm worth loving no matter how broken I feel and so are you, my friend. #hearttoheart