I Hated Myself and My Anxiety

I have been diagnosed with bi-polar type 2 disorder and anxiety disorder. It’s sometimes hard to cope with, and I have low self-worth at times.

Let’s start with what I believe when all of this began. In 2009, I had a horrible break-up with an ex-boyfriend, whom I thought I was going to marry and be happy with. That didn’t happen. I didn’t know what to do. We had dated for 5 years and that’s all I knew for the longest time. I didn’t know how to cope. Let’s just say my anxiety was at an all time high, and I hated myself for it.

I was able to turn my anxiety/depression into something of being a comedian and making people happy and laugh at my jokes. I hid behind those things. I didn’t want people to think I was going through a hard time.

That break-up was the best thing that happened to me, though. I re-discovered myself. I did things for ME. If I couldn’t make myself happy again, I couldn’t make my next relationship work. I worked on bettering myself, as a person mentally and physically. I became content with myself and I needed to move on.

A few months later I started talking to an old friend. He helped me cope with my feelings and low self-esteem, and made me feel really good about myself. Let’s say he “saved me from myself”. We got to talking a lot more and more to the point where I decided I could move on and finally be happy. 

The point I’m trying to make is that even though you go through rough patches in your life, you can always overcome. You look at the past and you learn from it and you decide that’s not what was planned for you. Hearing about the So Worth Loving campaign is so perfect for me. I am so grateful for this. You guys make me smile even more and the stuff you guys post have helped me through a lot, whether it be the days where I feel down about myself, or empower myself. Thank you guys for helping another person to cope and be happy with themselves.

Oh yeah, what happened to that old friend? Well, we are married and have a beautiful baby girl together. So, this would be a perfect example of overcoming odds. I am finally happy, and when I have one of those “days” I look at my baby girl and husband and smile because this was meant for me. This was MY plan all along.

Love, Erin Laub