“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.”
– Blaise Pascal
Here’s the thing about loving ourselves, really, about loving anything or anyone: We always want there to be a reason. We always seem to be asking “why?”
Why do you love her? Because she’s beautiful/smart/kind/awesome/all I can think about.
Why do you love this? Because it’s fun/important/makes me happy/makes me feel alive.
Why do you love you?
And there is nothing wrong with the question why. It’s the fundamental question. But love and reason don’t always go together, and what I mean by that is this: love does not always need a reason. True Love rarely does. There may be a reason, but love doesn’t need one. That applies to lots of things. But most of all to the love of self, the kind of love I’ve always had a hard time cultivating, the kind SWL is all about.
When we finally come around to the idea that we are allowed to love ourselves, we tend to think of reasons. We’ll make lists of all our good qualities. And that can be good. It can be very good to have a list of things we like about ourselves, that are good, that remind us that we are good. Just like it is good to surround ourselves with people who really love us, to remind us we are loved and loveable.
But I know people loving me doesn’t always mean I love myself. In the same way, just because there are reasons to love me doesn’t mean I always do. And if you’re like me, sometimes you feel like you need a reason. A reason to believe you are so worth loving. But, here’s the thing: you don’t.
We say “I’m so worth loving because…" Because I’m smart or funny or x or y or z, and all those points may very well be good, but at the end of the day we have to be able to say ”I am so worth loving.“
- The whole point of So Worth Loving is that the reason you are so worth loving is because you are.
There may be many reasons why we are worth loving, but the chief reason, the first and last, needs to be that we simply are worth loving. We are worth loving because we are worth loving. We are valuable because we have value. Not because something gives us value but because we have always been valuable. We have never not been.
Written and loved on by Douglas Humphries