LAX Campus Crew Stories


Campus Reps are in full swing with their events + hangouts! Here a few stories collected by Demitra at University of Wisconsin La-Crosse!

Sami B:

“I’ve always been the quiet one. The one that doesn’t have anything to say. But that’s not me… I am outspoken, educated, strong, and I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. It’s something I say to myself on my hard days; the days when the antidepressants don’t pump enough dopamine in my brain. The days I think I don’t think I can get out of bed, and my heart feels like it could burst. Even when the days are hard and even when I feel alone, I also feel one thing: I deserve to be loved. Love isn’t perfect and life is hard, but one thing is for certain: love is present. I have come to the understand the nothing lasts forever. Life is always changing and turning. but one thing is for certain… Love is always there. Wherever you look, you can find it. For me, I find it within my friends, professors, and the books I read. Fortunately, when you and life come to understanding that nothing ever stays the same- you can also find that is what the adventure is all about. ”

Carly J:

“I am so worth loving because I’ve been told I’m not.

I’ve been told by a society who gives me constant commands of who to be, how to act, what to wear, who to date, with the media slapping me in the face every time the TV flashes on, every time grandma tells me to stand up straighter, every time I am asked if I’m sure I want that extra cup cake, every time my friend tells me about their new fab diet I should consider trying.

But I’ve stopped listening, because I am so worth loving.

I am so worth loving because I used to believe I wasn’t.

I was fed my own flaws, I was living inside this skin that I was trained to hate, inside a  mind that wasn’t smart enough, a talent that wasn’t unique enough, a body that wasn’t nearly pretty enough, skinny enough, or tanned enough.

But I’ve created my own definition, because I am so worth loving.

I am important, I am not defined by others standards, I am strong, and I am worthy of love. ”

Am I Out Of The Woods Yet?

The problem with thinking I’d made it through my struggles to the other side, was that until you crash headfirst into rock bottom there is always further to fall.
I thought I had made it out of the woods. I had started living a better life. I was learning to love myself, flaws and all, I was doing alright. And then the phone rang.

There’s something I learned in the past six months-you never see  the bad stuff, the life changing, world shaking, really bad stuff, coming. I’m a worrier, always have been, so I imagine worse case scenarios on the daily but still the bad stuff always always comes as a surprise. 

I knew it was bad news because phones only ring at two am for bad news and booty calls (and I’ve only ever been acquainted with the former).
When I heard the words “he didn’t make it” my world whited out. I’m not being metaphorical either, it felt like a flashbulb had gone off right in front of my face. All I could do was gasp “what the hell” on repeat. 

When you lose a parent no words can ever make it better. There is nothing I wanted to hear except my dad shouting “April fools” I didn’t want words. I didn’t want anything. 

Once you’ve been acquainted with depression it is all too easy to slide back down into his grasp. And  I spiraled big time. I belted out the lyrics to fight song hoping that if I could just sing it often enough and loud enough the words would become true for me. I came close to quitting this life more than once. Happiness seemed impossible, I would’ve settled for contentment but even that was too far to reach.  I locked myself away and gave up hope that I would ever feel like a person again. 

I’ve finally made it to my feet, but every day it’s a struggle to stay there. I am not out of the woods yet, but I’m working damn hard on getting there. I am trying every day to be kind to myself. I am worth loving. I am here. I am enough. And here’s the kicker- so are you. All of you. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you are. It doesn’t matter who you’ve lost or what you’ve been through. You are whole. You are here. You are worthy of love. So stand up babe, stand up and walk out of the woods with me. 

Written and loved on by Catherine Jordan