What The Story Of My Life Taught Me

Every experience that I have ever had the pleasure or pain of living has made me into the woman I am today.

The teenage parents.

The first 17 years of my life in the projects.

The substance abuse in my family.

The violence I witnessed against all of the women I loved.

The heartbreak of feeling rejected.

The disappointment of the ones who should have cared about me the most, caring less.

The degrees

The certifications.

The businesses.

The nominations.

The awards.

The marriage.

The children.

The kidney failure.

The uncontrollable weight gain (and the gain I caused myself.)

All of it is the cause of the effect that is me.

I used to look at the difficult stuff in total disdain. I would often ask,

“what is this?”

If I had my way, I would pick away at the difficult things leaving only the things that came easy.

I hated it. About 75% of my life I could have lived without. That says a lot about who I used to be.

As I grew forward, I began to admire other people’s stories of success.  I was particularly attracted to the stories from the underdogs, the firsts, the misfits, and the forgotten few.

Stories of people, who had the deck stacked against them, that created beautiful + meaningful + soul stirring lives for themselves, inspired me to the fullest.

Then one day, I made the connection.

I realized that what I admired in others, I hated about myself.

I was an underdog, I was a first in many instances, and I felt forgotten.  But, with grace, I was in the middle of creating a beautiful + meaningful + soul stirring life of my own.

At 10 years old, I made some serious decisions that changed the course of my life.  I looked at what I hated about my life and intentionally created the opposite.  It was a survival mechanism and it worked to protect my ten-year-old-self.

But, about 12 years ago, I saw my life in an entirely different light. I saw my life and my own story as an opportunity. I saw it as an opportunity to create my own story of success.

Because of that shift in perspective, I was able to change my view and imagine a greater vision.  My vision included a life outside of the projects, a college degree and career.  My vision gave me the courage to pursue a second career as songwriter, to build a family that wasn’t broken.

I still struggle.  Much of my story is unwritten, some of the pain is still there, some people still need to be forgiven.  I still need to get over some of my own mess.

But it’s my story- and I learned to be grateful for it.

We all have a story.

Some of it we like.  Some of it we grew to hate.

What I finally realized is this:

It’s not about the story.  It’s about the person you become because of it.

Because of my story, I have learned compassion for other people who have had a rough start.  I feel the pain of addiction. I understand how fragile a child can be, and how much care needs to go into being a parent. I have learned to hustle. I have a hard time giving up. I have learned to forgive myself.

What if we saw every single experience in our lives as wonderful opportunities to be better?

Changing your perspective of a difficult circumstance doesn’t excuse it.  It allows you to control how you experience it.

So finally, after some serious heart work, I have learned to look for the opportunity to grow through the difficulty.

Written and loved on by Nakeia Homer